I thought that I do not receive enough recognition from my husband and many other people. That brought me so much pain that I could not sleep at night. It poisoned my marriage and became unbearable. Finally, I turned to a counsellor.
I had to fall into that pit to become ready to listen. I thought that I had already hit the rock bottom, but then I realized that my own sin, disdain, anger, and cruelty were much worse and deep-seated. I hurt people and despised them because I had one goal – to get their recognition and respect.
But the worst thing was that I caused pain to my Jesus because He had to put up with my idolatry for decades. That thought struck me deeply and, to be honest, I kept wondering that maybe I had gone too far, and He would leave me in this horrible pit?
But, no, Jesus showed me the Cross. The Cross which is quite enough even for the sinful system that defined all my life. That Cross became very dear to me. Now I celebrate the Lord’s Supper as a great festival because I can see before my eyes my sin and forgiveness I have received. I sing songs about the Cross louder and with more feeling than before because the Cross has been the answer to my desperation.
I am so incredibly, indescribably grateful to God because His grace covers even me! I want to serve Him with my life which makes this Cross visible to all those who need it. I want to crucify my idolatry daily, bow before the Cross, and live, glorifying God.
Maria (translated from German).