For many years I had a complicated and painful relationship with a man but I could not break it. A year after I repented, the Lord helped me do that. At that time, I thought that the problem was solved but later it turned out that it was just the beginning of God’s work in my life.
Soon after my baptism the same feelings started dragging me back. I realized that I am strongly addicted to that man. At that time, I got a trauma which no longer allowed me to spend time with that man. It was God helping me but then I did not understand that. It got worse than before. I began to misuse alcohol and seek the attention of other men. I would not take responsibility for my actions but blamed God instead.
Eventually it became unbearable to live like that. It was tearing me apart and I did not know what to do.
Feeling like that, I came, or, rather, crawled to the counselling. God began to reveal Himself and my heart to me. First, it seemed as if stones were falling on me. At some point I felt as if I was buried under a pile of those stones, but it did not last long. The Lord helped me get out. He spoke to me each day. I had never felt Him being so close before.
In the process of counselling I was freeing my heart for God more and more, getting rid of addiction and fear of that man and other people. I had to literally rip out, to cut out the idols from my heart. It hurt, but the Lord Himself was healing wounds. The Lord has restored the joy of life, the joy of salvation, the desire to serve. I am no longer running away from myself or trying to alleviate the feeling of loneliness with alcohol. I do not use people to feed on their love. Now every day I am getting filled with God’s love and I am sharing it with others.